I hate myself and I want to die...

This time in English, because it's easier to say what I have to say. It's hard if you find out that you screwed up big time and I did just that. It's that painfull feeling that you just lost everything which had any sort of value to you. Left is an empty feeling in your heart and stomach that just reminds you how big of an idiot you are. In times like these I try to turn myself to music but even this doesn't work. It's just stupid. I was stupid. I'm pretty sure that I'm not the only one stupid but the biggest part of the fault lies on me. Metallica described it best in "Fade To Black": I have lost the will to live, simply nothing more to give. A bit drastic but that's what it boils down to. I'm sorry for what I've done, it pains me just to think about the crap this will all cause but I don't really care anymore. Maybe I should stop writing. It's maybe one of the reasons why everything just sucks...

I'm sorry...
Pierre